For Me? Part II

Well, I’d downloaded software to record my Skype calls and tried to give Sweet Mr. Simoes a call expecting to get up to all kinds of hijinks on the phone. Alas, Skype wouldn’t let me call his first number, probably because it’s on a known scammer list, and the second one had no answer. Dang.

So, I had to settle for answering his email. The guy wants $670 USD to open an account! Of course, a poor mithril miner like Al can’t afford that kind of coin. I hope he accepts my generous barter offering….


From: Antonio Simoes [mailto:assimoes13@yahoo.com]
Sent: January-25-14 00:49
To: Al Ias
Subject: Re: Contact the pay-out bank for transfer of the funds.

HSBC HOLDINGS BANK
24HOURS ONLINE-BANKING SERVICE
Registered in England.
Registered No: 1026167Q
Registered Office:
Canada Square LONDON, ENG E14 5HQ United Kingdom

Dear Esteemed Customer: Al Las,

 Compliment of the day to you from HSBC Holdings Plc, United Kingdom. Britain finest and concise online banking institution with a global perspective. Our unique service trend in the European and world market speaks volume of how keen we hold our greatest assets (customers) in high regards.Our affiliation with the Santander group makes us a leading financial stronghold. There are a whole lot of services and products that we offer which in the long run is a far higher edge than our contemporaries in the financial market, this is why even in the face of the current financial distress pervading world market we are way ahead and still waxing stronger in financial circles.

 We have confirm the instructions from the Mr Jim McCullar, instructing us to immediately open an online temporal debit account in your name; and transfer your approved grant funds of $2,000,000USD = £1,289,158.18 GBP from their personal foundation account to you via permission within the next Three (3) working days from the Cheque that was submitted to us, Our on-line temporal account opening will enable us to immediately make any further transfer of your payment funds to your designated personal bank account in your country.

As a Non-Resident of the UNITED KINGDOM, you are required to set up a Non-Resident Online/Offshore account with our Bank. This online/offshore account will be set up in your name by our Bank HSBC Holdings Plc.) As soon as you meet up to our corporate policy, you will have your account setup.

  New Customer applying for Online Account & Transfer Fill and Return the below Manual Account Opening Form.

Manual Account Opening Form

Reference: International Application ID no:

Do you want an account with HSBC BANK:

First Name:
Last Name:
Date of Birth:
City/State:
Country:
Occupation:
Nationality:
Sex:
E-mail:
Tel:
Office Tel:
Account type:
Initial Deposit of Account:
Date of payment:

NEW CUSTOMER COMPLETE REG: ****************************************************************************

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Read the below carefully before attempting to fill out the Account you would want us to open for you

*****************************************************************************

All account types requires an initial deposit by customers before account can be setup, Note this deposit is the cash needed to setup your account and will be deposited into your newly setup account after it has been opened by the HSBC HOLDINGS PLC.

Please kindly read the below account and select your affordable account choice with initial deposit.

 1. PERSONAL ACCOUNT: This type of account requires a minimum initial deposit of £448.00 GBP equivalent to $670.00 USD (Six Hundred And Seventy USD), this amount is required to set-up your new account to a fully operational account. The maximum transfer possible within a month with this Account is £7,000,000.00 (Seven million pounds) within one month or the equivalent amount in another currency; and with this account you can apply for a gold membership credit card after a good business relationship of one year minimum. 

2. CORPORATE ACCOUNT: This is a daily business account and the initial opening deposit is £501.00 GBP equivalent to $750.00 USD (Seven Hundred and Fifty USD) this amount is required to set-up your new account to a fully operational account. The maximum transfer possible within a month with this Account is £15,000,000.00 (Fifteen million pounds) or the equivalent amount in another currency; and with this account you can apply for a gold membership credit card after a good business relationship of five months minimum. 

3. PLATINUM ACCOUNT: This is a daily personal and business account and the initial opening deposit is £568.739 GBP equivalent to $850.00 USD (Eight Hundred And Fifty USD) this amount is required is to set-up your new account to a fully operational account. The maximum transfer possible within a month is unlimited; and with this account you can apply for a gold membership credit card after a good business relationship of three months minimum.

 Please Note: That your funds is protected by a hardcover insurance policy, which makes it impossible to deduct any amount from the funds in bank draft before its been remitted to you. This means that the above charges for opening an account cannot be deducted from the funds and hence must be provided by you before your funds can take effect for transfer. You are strictly advice to choose an account type listed above and we shall instruct you to make the payment upon the opening balance kindly fill and return the online account form below. This amount is refundable upon request if you decide to close your account. As soon as your account is set up, you will have an account number and an access code with which you can access your account through our online facilities from your home which will also enable you check your account balance and also make transfer to any account in the world.

On receipt of the information, you shall be educated on the process mastered to facilitate this transaction in the earliest. For more info please call +(44) 702-4071-228

Thank you for your patronage.

FOREIGN EXCHANGE SUPERVISOR
MR. ANTONIO SIMOES

+(44) 702-4071-228
+(44) 741-8378-178

Hsbc Bank Plc
Registered in England.
Registered No: 1026167Q
Registered Office:Canada Square LONDON, ENG E14 5HQ United Kingdom.

************************************************************WARNING*************************************************************************
This message was sent from the Accounts Department of Hsbc Bank Plc. It is only designated for intended recipient only.If you have received this email in error you should immediately discard it without transferring or storing any of it’s content.
Anyone caught not abiding with these rules will be made to face the law as all communications are officially meant for Hsbc Bank Plc customers only.

********************************************************************************************


From: fakealias@hotmail.com
To: assimoes13@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: Contact the pay-out bank for transfer of the funds.
Date: Sat, 25 Jan 2014 11:50:39 -0400

Dear Revered Foreign Exchange Supervisor Antonio Simoes,

Thank you for getting back to me so quickly. Wow! Those minimum deposit requirements are pretty steep! I’ve completed the Manual Account Opening Form (below) but, I’m wondering if you would perhaps accept a slightly lower amount in order to open a Personal Account. I am not a rich man. As you may have read on the news, we mithril miners have been on strike several times over the last few years. I could send you $100 right away and, since my brother, Dev, is a fisherman, I could  make up the balance in frozen Atlantic lobster. It truly is delicious. I tried to call your phone numbers below to see if this offer was acceptable but got no answer. I should have realized that banks aren’t open on Saturdays. I’m such a dolt.

If you accept this offer, I’ll send the $100 right away with the lobster to follow once Dev gets back to shore on Wednesday. I understand you’d like the money emailed. Gee, who knew that was even possible?! Should I send it to the email address my beloved Jim McCullar sent me ( etransferhs.bc@hotmail.co.uk )?

Manual Account Opening Form
Reference: International Application ID no: ?
Do you want an account with HSBC BANK: Yes!
First Name: Al
Last Name: Ias
Date of Birth: 1 April 1963
City/State: Wawa
Country: Canada
Occupation: Mithril Miner
Nationality: Canadian
Sex: M
E-mail: fakealias@hotmail.com
Tel: Skype ID fakealias@hotmail.com
Office Tel: None
Account type: Personal
Initial Deposit of Account: $100 CAD + 80 lbs of lobster at $7/lb
Date of payment: $100 immediately, lobster on Wednesday.

Please get back to me as soon as possible. I sure could use that $2,000,000 and I bet you can already taste that lobster!

With love and affection,

Al Ias


I’m beginning to think there is no level of ridiculousness this guy won’t accept. We’ll see…

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5 thoughts on “For Me? Part II

  1. Pingback: For Me? – Epilogue | Self Righteous Indignation

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