As I write this, my inaugural post on Self Righteous Indignation, I’m still at Kandahar Airfield, Afghanistan with only 6 more days til I’m an unemployed hobo. If you’re thinking “What the fuck is he talking about?”, take a look at the About page or, better yet, become familiar with my earlier work at Just DFACs Ma’am.
I wasn’t planning on starting this blog until I got home for good but, in an effort to while away some time in this boring shithole, I entered into a conversation with a very nice man who emailed me with an offer of $2,000,000. I started posting my email conversations with this guy on my Facebook page and it seemed to amuse a fair number of folks. Well, what better way to start a blog that is intended to be at least kinda funny than to make fun of some incompetent, third-world grifter? He had contacted me on personal email account but I responded from my clever alias account. Then the fun began.
So, here’s the first installment in my category of Fun with Email. I’ll post updates of my correspondence as they occur. Enjoy.
From: Marcus Praetorius [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: January-22-14 04:11
Subject: RE: New-Year Gift
I am Mr Jim McCullar the mega winner of $190 Million Dollars Jackpot in Washington,
have voluntarily decided to donate the sum of TWO MILLION to you as part of our own free gift.
WATCH US HERE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tVQaQJGv9lE
THIS IS YOUR DONATION CODE: [ JIM2312011BDB ]
Send me back the DONATION CODE by responding back to this email: (email@example.com)
I shall send you more emails as soon as I get the donation code back from you.
Jim and Carolyn McCullar
Hi Jim and Carolyn,
Wow! This is great. My donation code is JIM2312011PDB. What next?
I am Mr Jim McCullar I am a native of Idaho, Washington United State Of America, Carolyn my wife and I have decided to make sure this is put on the internet for the world to see as you could see from the web page sent to you in our first mail, I may not know you, but I believe if you receive my first email and respond back meaning you were chosen by God to receive my donation of [$2,000,000.00 USD] you must be a God fearing individual, I am a Christain and I believe that Good things happens to good people like you who had the mind to respond back to my mail.
I am Mr Jim McCullar the mega winner of $190 Million Dollars Jackpot in Washington, WATCH US NOW: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tVQaQJGv9lE
You see after taken care of the needs of our immediate family members, we decided to donate the remaining of the fund to other individuals around the world in need, the local fire department, the Red Cross, Haiti, hospitals and some other organizations in Asia and Europe that fight cancer, I would love to introduce my self more and also show you picture of me and my family but firstly I want to hear from you if my gift of [$2,000,000.00 USD] is accepted by you before I proceed. Send me the below details to show that you accept my gift.
Thank you for accepting our offer, we are indeed grateful We anticipate your earliest response.
I’m afraid I don’t have a traditional phone. I just use Skype; my Skype ID is the same as my email address. Here’s the information you requested:
Name: Al Ias
Phone #(Skype ID): firstname.lastname@example.org
As I’m sure you’ll understand, my job as a mithril miner is not only dangerous, but the long hours also make it difficult for people to reach me on skype. Perhaps you could give me your phone number and I could call you?
I, too, am a Christian and believe good things happen to good people. I’m still trying to understand exactly what all those starving people in Africa did to deserve their fate but I’m sure it was pretty nasty.
So, let me know how I can receive this money!
Subject: RE: Thanks for your response.
Date: Thu, 23 Jan 2014 10:29:27 +0000
Dear Al Ias,
Thanks for your response, first, I have to thank you for your commitment to accept my gift and I assure you it’s a life time opportunity and 100% legitimate, the Two Million Dollars is going to pass through international laws and it’s 100% risk free. I have a lawyer taking care of the documentation required to perfect the Two Million Dollars for you, and you don’t have anything to worry about that because I am the one responsible for it.
I moved out of Washington United State Of America in April due to high risk of gunmen asking us for money and we were advised to leave the country for a while which we did Mitchell my grandson was kidnapped and I was asked to pay for him to be released which i did, we had to relocate to United Kingdom for a while and I am planning to come back to Idaho very soon. I must let you know that I am not getting any younger what i expect from you right now is trust and commitment because if you don’t trust me you will find it difficult to accept my gift that is why you need to trust and believe me about this donation you are free to call me at anytime of the day +(44)703-1983-983.
To facilitate the disbursement process of the TWO MILLION DOLLARS which have been donated solely to you, please send me any of your Identity Card, for me to know you more better before I send you information to contact my bank which will pay you the TWO MILLION DOLLARS in cash, I’ll be responsible for all the document fee about the TWO MILLION DOLLARS which my lawyer need to carry out and you are the one who will be responsible about the Bank charges fee which is HSBC bank in the United Kingdom.
I will be waiting your urgent response with your Drivers licences, International Passport OR any of your valid Identity Card before I will ask you to contact the HSBC BANK which is the payout bank.
Hi Again Jim,
Please find a photocopy of my passport attached.
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandson’s kidnapping but happy to hear he was released. I hope he’s doing ok.
I don’t blame you for moving out of the United States. I once took a trip to New York City and I swear, it seemed like everyone was carrying a gun. Thank goodness Canada doesn’t let anyone carry a weapon more dangerous than a knife not to exceed 2 inches and, even then, only when traveling in bear territory.
How are you finding England? I’ve heard they call trucks “lorries” over there! That’s just crazy, eh?
I’m a little concerned about having to pay a bank fee to release the funds as I don’t have a lot of money. I hope it’s not too much. I’m sure we can sort something out though.
I look forward to hearing from you again soon so we can move this process forward.
From: Jim McCullar [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: January-23-14 21:16
To: Al Ias
Subject: Re: Contact the pay-out bank for transfer of the funds.
Hello Beloved Al Las,
This is to acknowledge the receipt of your last email and to confirm your reliability in this donation scheme. I am happy to inform you that I have forwarded your details over to the management of the payout bank, The HSBC Bank Plc UK. I know that they are alot of scam on the internet and everyone need to be very careful, so for me to prove myself this is my telephone number you can reach me at anytime of the day +(44)703-1983-983.
Now taking into cognizance the nature of the funds, United Kingdom Financial Security Act requires International beneficiaries like you is to pay for HSBC Bank Plc charges over here in the U.K., before they will transfer the [$2,000,000.00 USD], to your designated bank account anywhere in the world. I have therefore included a Donation Code Number to this message [JIM/231/2011BDB] which should be kept strictly confidential as you will use it in receiving your donation. You are to contact the management of The HSBC Bank Plc UK via email immediately as they have been authorized to transfer the fund to you by my lawyer and concluded all modalities associated with the wire transfer process.
HSBC BANK CONTACT INFORMATION
Bank Name: HSBC Bank Plc UK
Contact Person (Foreign Exchange Supervisor) : Mr Antonio Simoes
Bank Tel Number: +(44) 702-4071-228
Bank Email Address: (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Mr.Antonio Simoes Email: email@example.com
Bank Website: www.hsbc.co.uk/
Contact Mr.Antonio Simoes via this email (firstname.lastname@example.org); you are to provide him with your Donation Code Number [JIM/231/2011BDB] so that he can verify your identity with the details I sent over to their office earlier on today. Please endeavor to keep me fully informed on all developments with the payout bank so that I can also monitor the transfer process through a feedback from you. Your follow up and full cooperation is highly anticipated.
My Sweetly Adored Jim,
I’ll be contacting the bank ASAP! This is so exciting.
Hello My Sweet Mr. Simoes,
As you can see below, my beloved, Jim McCullar, has asked me to contact you to arrange the transfer of some funds to me. He kept mentioning something about emailing money to cover HSBC bank charges. That sounds like magic!
Please let me know the next steps.
So far so good. I’m hopeful that a guy that accepts a passport with 1978 Burt Reynolds on it isn’t swift enough to pick up on my mockery. I can’t wait til he asks me to email him money. Check back for updates.